I did it

I can't believe I did it today, but I did. I resigned. I knew it was coming, GS and KA knew it was coming too. But it's just so different when you actually have to sit across from your manager and tell her. She started crying, I started crying. There wasn't much to say. But we're not going to announce it officially until next week. So Vitamin, Krispy, you can't say anything!!!! I didn't have a chance to tell my VP tonight, but I wanted to. I let my manager (FS) do it, apparently the VP said "Fuck." That made me feel happy in a very eeeevil way.

FS asked if there was anything they could do to make me stay. Jokingly we said that if TW (new guy I like. Can you believe he's asian?) confessed his love for me and begged me to stay, then I would. FS said she would march downstairs and beg TW to do it. But yeah, like that's really going to happen!

Seriously though, I am excited about leaving, but also sad and guilty that I'm leaving everyone behind. For those who don't know and still occasionally read my blog, I gave 3 weeks notice. Then I'll be back in TX to help my sister plan her wedding. I'll be back in February to do this big t-shirt gig I have, then officially moving back to TX for good by the end of March.

Crazy stuff happening.........

Random Ramblings

Sorry to any out there that still read this! It's been a long while. Nothing much has happened this summer, but I thought I'd replace my super-excited Superman post with something new. :)

So what is it with asian girls dating really unattractive white guys? Growing up in a predominantly caucasian neighborhood, I too am mainly attracted to white guys. But ATTRACTIVE ones. More often, I see pretty petite asian girls with their hideous counterparts and think "Really? REALLY?" But hey, maybe she's not as superficial as me. Maybe he's got a great personality. Or maybe she is just so desperate to date the elusive single, straight, caucasian man that she'll settle for anything. But it's not just occuring with my asian sisters. Oh no. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock. Heather Locklear and friggin' David Spade. If these blond bombshells are going after THESE guys, what hope do the rest of us have?

Moving on....my oldest sister's pregnant, so I'm going to be an auntie in October! She's having a little girl. They haven't decided on a name, so I've named her Chubbs. I hope she doesn't have a complex growing up. Is it possible to scar a child before it's even out of the womb? And my other sister is getting married in January. Exciting stuff happening to my family! I'm designing the wedding invitation, which is fun and daunting at the same time because I've never designed a wedding invitation before and the printer is in Houston. I'm also the maid of honor, which is awesome but a bit tough since we live halfway cross the country from each other.

I'm getting bored writing this, so I'm sure it must be boring to read it. Hopefully more interesting stuff will start happening soon, what with the CW network starting up and all! Ooooooooh.......;)

It's 1:40 in the A.M...

...just got back from seeing Superman Returns. And it was FUCKING AWESOME. Excuse the vulgar language, but it was so, so, so, so good! I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it, and of course it has everything you could want in a movie. And there were nail-biting scenes. I've never bitten my nails before during a movie, but this time I caught myself practically drooling all over my fingers at certain parts. I'm definitely seeing it again and again and again. And Brandon Routh? Yeah, I had my doubts. But super dreamy! Must go to bed now, work is going to suck tomorrow.......

Really now...

Dating sucks. Maybe this is why I've avoided it for so long. Because I'm awful at it! Well, I take that back. I'm not entirely horrible at it, otherwise these guys I've dated wouldn't ask for a second date. I'm awful because I go on dates with guys I'm not very attracted to, and sure enough, the date doesn't go so well and I'm the one who has to end it. Now, I've only gone on 2 recently, which isn't very much at all, so I can't say all dating sucks. But I've learned that I honestly have to be attracted to the guy's photo and profile from now on before agreeing to meet them in person. Case in point #1) Lazy Eye Guy. Guess we'll just call him LEG? Yeah. Not attracted to his photo, but he seemed decent looking and his profile sounded like we had a lot in common. Met him for coffee, he's about my height, aged 10 yrs since his photo, gained about 20 lbs since his photo, and had a lazy eye. I didn't know where to look for half the date! And then at one point his eyes did focus on me and it freaked me out. I shouldn't be so judgmental, my poor little cousin has a lazy eye too. :( But it's not like I'm going to date my cousin, and I'm not going to date LEG! If he had this wonderful personality to overshadow his physical appearance, then maybe. But no, he sorta put himself down the whole time. I like to use Jack Black as an example. Not an attractive guy by normal standards. But he is just so friggin' hilarious, that I would date him (then again, he's married now, but you get my point).

Date 2 was better, at least he looked like his photo. And he's originally from Texas and works for a 3-D animation company, so he definitely sounds good on paper. Or on screen, as the case may be. But we just didn't connect, or at least I didn't feel any sparks. I cursed QK for his "thunderbolt" theory, but there IS some validity to it, I've realized. There has to be SOME kind of chemistry. Or hilarity. And trust me, this guy was no Jack Black. I just sent an email about 10 minutes ago to Date #2 saying "sorry, but we could be friends...". Ugh, I hate being the bearer of bad news. I looked down the entire time I wrote the email wincing, because I just feel so guilty letting guys go. But I have to affirm myself that it's better to do it now then say "Well, I guess we could date and maybe you'll grow on me..."

And then there's that new show on ABC, I think, called "How to Get the Guy." Their first tip was to do online dating. I just watched tonight's episode, which is #3, so I missed how they found their dates exactly online. How is it, though, that just after 3 episodes, 3 out of the 4 women have already found attractive men with chemistry? What am I doing wrong? Granted, I'm guessing this show is at least 13 episodes long which means something must go wrong with their relationships within the next few episodes....mwuhahhaha. I'm evil. ;)

Somebody's Got a Case of the Mondays...

Ugh, did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed today. I was tossing and turning all night. And I had a really weird dream that I was Veronica Mars and was in love with Weevil, and he made his PCH buddies protect me, and I couldn't get my mystery-solvin' skills on. So because of these crazy dreams, I woke up an hour late. I would have called in sick, but I had too much to do today, which made me even grumpier to realize that I couldn't even be sick if I wanted to. :( But regardless of all of that, I had an awesome weekend hanging out with my friends. On Saturday, I watched "A Prairie Home Companion" with G and his boy toy, then we met up with KA for dinner at this trendy spot by my apt called Ford's Filling Station. Waited an hour for a table, but the food was tasty, albeit a bit on the pricey side. On Sunday, I met up again with KA at Jin Patisserie and had an unpleasant experience with G, who text messaged me that he and M had broken up. I called him, only to realize he was playing a mean joke. Evil twin, evil evil twin. Sunday night I met up with my old college roommates and smoked hookahs for close to 3 hours straight. Which probably explains why I had such wild dreams last night and overslept this morning. Huh....

So I met with this therapist twice, and he basically told me there's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't put myself out there enough. Which I know everyone has told me, but I just had to hear it from an unbiased professional. I'm not going to go back anymore, because I really don't need it, but it was an interesting experience nonetheless. And because of his advice, I AM trying to put myself out there a little more.

I went out on a date a few weeks ago with a guy from match, ER. I wasn't attracted to his photo at all, but he seemed like an interesting enough guy, and I was wondering if I was unlucky in relationships because I was superficial. We met for coffee, and I must admit that yes, I AM superficial. ER was my height, had gained about 20 lbs since his photo, aged about 10 years, and had a lazy eye which focused on me occasionally during the evening. There might have been a second date had I found him remotely interesting, but alas, no connection whatsoever. He emailed me last week seeing if I wanted to hang out again. Instead of being the wuss that I usually am and telling him I was moving, I told him the truth. Haven't heard from him since. :)

Started chatting with another guy from match, DN. Again, not so attracted to his photo, so we'll see...

I've already experienced a perk of putting myself out there a litte more. KA and I went along with a coworker to a concert last Tuesday and met said coworker's cute friends. I think one in particular is quite a cutie, told my coworker, and we're supposed to see him again tomorrow night. Very premature to even be mentioning it, but I always get my hopes up when a cute guy crosses my path. Wish me luck, hopefully I won't catch a bad case of the Tuesdays....

A Quickie Before Bed....

...that's what he said! Hehehe, just had to throw that in there. ;) But seriously, this WILL be a quick post. Although I've realized that when I'm extremely tired and it's extremely late, I tend to ramble on and on. Anyhoo, just got home about an hour ago from work. I hate Toy Fair. And I'm afraid that ppl at work think I'm just overreacting right now and behaving like a bitchy woman because I pushed my projects ahead of everyone else's today. But I had good reason: all of my stuff was due by 7am tomorrow morning whereas everyone else's is due for the majority on Friday. Hellooo, makes sense to bump up my prints, but whatever. I'm over it.

Onto happier notes, G and I got promotions! We're now SENIOR designers! Woohoo! Now I can finally quit and move back to Texas! ;) And I'm also getting over QK, despite how cute he is. I'm seriously leaning towards him being gay. Yesterday we were at a meeting at church and he had on a gray t-shirt and khaki pants. Not bad. But then it was paired with shiny silver metallic Adidas athletic shoes (and when I mean shiny silver metallic, I mean the entire shoe looked like it was covered in tin foil) and a bright orange leather belt with a rather sizable shiny silver buckle. He also has a bright orange laptop bag that he carries around. Come on now. Seriously.

Next post (whenever that may be): 1) bad match.com date, 2) went to a therapist, who says I'm normal, just lazy, 3) I feel like I haven't really LIVED, and 4) there's a couple of potentials in the horizon... Sorry to leave y'all hanging like that. But it IS Toy Fair week!

"Nobody loves a fatty!"

Have you ever eaten so much that you feel like your stomach is going to explode, or you look like you're 5 months pregnant? Yeah. That's me right now. Just got back from dinner with an old college friend. I already had an avocado bacon cheeseburger for lunch, so it would have been prudent for KQ to not eat huevos rancheros for dinner. And it wasn't even that good! Man. It's going to be swimsuit season soon, and I am DETERMINED to wear a bikini this year! I've never had the figure nor the confidence to wear one. Maybe in elementary school, but definitely not after 6th grade. I want to be tan and fit and make QK feel like an idiot for not liking me. Hmph! It's time to hit the Weight Watchers point system again. Hard. I've gone down from a size 10 to a 6 (okay, it's barely a 6 but nevertheless...) in a year. So it's working, but it has to work FASTER! Summer is fast approaching!

One way G and I have been motivating each oher is by being especially cruel to the other one during moments of weakness. G says it more often to me than I say it to him, he's been very diligent. But if I'm craving dessert or bacon, I've asked him to tell me "Nobody loves a fatty!" or "You're never going to get a boyfriend if you eat that." I know. Really brutal stuff. But it works! My cravings die instatntly. You know, I wonder what other people in the cafeteria think when they hear G say that to me....

The End of a Not-Really-Ever-Started Relationship

Yes, it is official. QK and I are "just friends." Life IS sometimes really, really hard as ML so eloquently put it. I suppose I should recap the last week and a day. I've been sorta persistently asking QK when we're going to see a certain photography exhibit, so I emailed him last Thursday to teasingly ask again. He called last Sunday, he invited me over to his place and picked up dinner. I was supposed to go to mass at 5:30pm, but that didn't happen. Nor did I make it to the 7:30pm. We ended up laying in his bed for 3 hours (NOTHING happened, mind you) and talked about hypothetical relationships, cooking, gas ranges, prefabricated houses... I thought maybe something was possibly developing. He turned down the lights, was playing records, lit incense. Come on, what was I supposed to think???

Cut to this Sunday, I drop him off after we volunteer together, and I just don't have the balls to say "So what's going on with us?" but I skirt around the issue. I was going through another wave of depression last night when he calls. He tried consoling me for about 45 min before I finally broke down and told him I liked him. He was super sweet about the whole thing, which is making it more difficult for me to unlike him. He said he wished he liked me because I'm an amazing woman, blah blah blah, but he's the type of guy that needs an instant thunderbolt of chemistry.

So boo hiss, boys suck. (And not in a good way, right G?) Truthfully, the whole conversation couldn't have gone better and I do still think he's a wonderful guy. And NO, he's not gay. And now I can finally, FINALLY move on, have some closure, stop comparing every guy I meet to QK. I can go back to my grounded, non-obsessive life. Eventually I would like to still get to know him better and have him as a friend. He has this amazing spiritual connection to God that I admire, and he does give really sound advice. Ok, not helping. Right now I think I need to keep my distance for the sake of my own sanity and heart.

Am I Happy?

This post is actually in response to ML's post about being happy. I think I can honestly say that I am not happy. Over Christmas, my dad apologized for always hounding me about being single and analyzing the reasons why I couldn't find a guy. He said "I just want you to have a boyfriend so you'll be happy." And I thought to myself, well that sucks. That the only way for me to be happy is to find a man. As a further stab at the heart, my dad got me Dr. Phil's book "Love Smart" for Christmas. Gee, thanks, pop. For a lack of other reading materials on the plane back to L.A., I read it, and even Dr. Phil told me I should be happy as a single, and then guys would come along. So I've tried. Really, I have. I have a great job, awesome friends, loving supportive family, plenty of food to eat (sometimes a little too much), a roof over my head. I should be the happiest girl on earth! And yet, I don't think I've been this bummed ever. And this isn't even Myrna talking, it's me, normal hormone levels and all. To add to this depression, I begin to feel guilty for being sad and ungrateful for the blessings in my life!

I'm seriously considering going back onto match or maybe even e-harmony. The biggest deterrent is that I might run back into JS, the guy I lied to. Is there a way to block him so he would never see my profile? I just don't want to have to deal with that on top of my own unhappiness. Sorry for another depressing post, folks.

Aren't you that girl from the Good Stuff commercial?

Oh yes, the talent agents are already knocking on my door. G and I along with our coworker DK filmed a Good Stuff commerical today! Since we go there practically every day, the manager asked if we could do it. G did all of the talking, and I sat there biting my lip, trying not to burst out laughing. Unfortunately, neither he nor I live in the area so we will not be able to see ourselves on cable television. KA, you'll have to keep an eye out! With our poster at the Getty Villa and now the Good Stuff commercial, we're local celebrities! Oooh, I bet Kathy Griffin will even add us to her comedy routine! Sweet!

The Woes of Myrna

All of us have names for that time of the month. My friend CC has called her's "Myrna," and I have adopted that name as well. So Myrna hasn't arrived into town yet, but she's already kicking my ass. (I think Gaytor is now on my cycle too. Sorry about that, G.) Seriously, I have never been as moody as I've been the past 4 days. I've come to the realization that QK probably just thinks of me as a friend. Whatever. But it started to make me wonder if I'll ever find a boyfriend, why I've always been single, am I hideous? Do I have some really awful personality or physical trait that no one will tell me? Do I reek of desperation? It's just been a shame spiral starting on Saturday afternoon. I called my sister in hysterics, I was sobbing for a good half hour until I could finally have a decent conversation about CSI reruns. I broke down twice on Sunday, but I've been okay since then. Just really bummed out and cranky. I've taken the day off work today to sketch and work on the PP redesign. Oh, I don't think I've mentioned that yet! So I've been named the lead designer on PP, the 3rd largest brand at work. I've got 1 junior designer working under me that follows me around like a puppy (and it's getting annoying), a micromanaging manager (we'll just call her MM from now on then), and a ton of pressure to pull of this huge redesign. We're re-examining color palette, structure, everything. And I've got to pull it off in a month. There's close to a hundred packages that will have this new look that I have yet to design, so maybe that's why I'm a little sensitive right now too... Hopefully this day off will ease my stress and slightly crushed heart. And Myrna, could you please lay off a little bit this week?

I'm baaaack

Who knows if this will be a recurring thing, I'm really bad at starting things and never following through. Sorry!!! And sorry for posting a depressing blog up for 3 months. Let's see....what has been going on in the world of KQ? Well, I took a month off of work (for 1 week of that, the entire company was closed) to travel to Paris and the Seychelles with my family. It was a ton of fun, and I got a great tan and loads of relaxation. Unfortunately, it also means that I used up almost all of my vacation time for the rest of the year. I think I have about 5 hours left to spread thinly over the next 9 months. Wow. I'm going to conveniently call in "sick" a few days around the 4th of July, Easter, Thanksgiving...

I'm loving my apartment, the bugs have finally left me alone I hope. Now I'm just left with my pestering, mooching, roommate ES. Have I talked about her? She's one of my best friends's little sisters, 19, first time out on her own. She eats enough for a family of four, NOT that that's completely awful, per se, but I'm afraid it's rubbing off on me to snack more. And THAT is the problem. She also did not pay rent for 3 months, but she finally got her loan and only owes me for 1 more month. Thank goodness. There's loads more to say about her, but I'll have to devote an entire new entry for that.

And of course the men. What to do about the men? With my clever questioning, I have deduced that QK--yes, the guy I've liked for months and months from church--is not questionable, he is in fact straight. Yayyyy!!! Now comes the tricky part of getting him to like me. My sisters have informed me that it is not in my genes to flirt. One of my sisters actually shook her crush's hand at the end of a date, just to give you an idea of how sad we Q sisters are. So because there's no way I could flirt my way into a date, I literally ran across the parking lot last month at church and asked QK out like a dumbass. My exact words were, "Um, I know that this is a bit forward, but...there's an exhibition down at the pier and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me....?" He consented! And although we haven't actually gone to see the exhibit, we've gone to lunch twice and have had a few late night phone conversations. Okay, as I type this it doesn't sound like much. And I'm still wondering if this is a case of "He's just not that into you." We'll see how this little story unfolds. But I really like him, and I hope that he soon wisens up to the fact that I am a damn good catch and I'm not going to be single for much longer, so he better get a move on!

I hope that's enough to whet y'all's palette for now, I hope to write more soon, but start bugging me if I don't. ;)